I can't wait to get the opportunity again to start writing, sharing..
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Understanding me
I can't wait to get the opportunity again to start writing, sharing..
STOP
Just as much as we don’t want things to change, they do. As much as we don’t like tough times, they happen, they are necessary. Things will shake us up, change us, steer us on some new, unknown path. It will happen, so just let it happen. We can fight change, be depressed, and suppress it. And for what? The more we push, the harder we will get hit.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing, that's why I recommend it daily.
I’ve come to realize, just because I wasn’t inspired and didn’t blog every day like I had intended, “A quote every single day…or at least every week...” doesn’t mean I’ve failed. It doesn't mean I suck and should give it. No. It is what it is. Inspiration will come and go. We just need to stay motivated. I can pick up, exactly where I left off. Feel what I'm meant to feel, each day as they come.
My feelings will continue..
Halloween ;)
Anyway, in the end I picked up an orange jumpsuit in hopes of dressing up as an inmate. It was the cheapest I could find to fit my thirty dollar budget lol But I did customize it with a number tag I made and then sew it onto the jumpsuit and a ball & chain(which broke within half an hour of my wearing it). The party itself was pretty darn amazing.. the DJ was spinning every amazing track you could think (including Michael Jackson's Thriller). The dancing never stopped. I had a blast! but I did end up leaving earlier as I had to attend some other commitments.
Photos to be updated soon :)
Annapolis Bancorp!
My reunion with Annapolis Bancorp folks: an unexpected and delightful evening at Union Jacks!
The reunion, “I think it is a wonderful indication of the spirit that helped made this company great,” Patsy said. “The image lives on in these people.”
I cannot believe it has been almost three years since BA was taken over by FNB!! Some folks are missed very much :(
But nevertheless it was awesome to catch up with some of my best-est work buddies :)
A Decade!
At this juncture I like to say; the seeds have been planted and the dream has taken root. Now all I have to do is the daily discipline of silencing the enemy within :)
Believe
Then a funny thing happens about the time I turned thirty three people start asking about marriage and kids and houses. And I' had begun to worry about savings, retirement, and health insurance. I'd start spending my money with more conscience.. short term sacrifices for long term gains, right?
Then comes a point where I sometimes start to compare my 32 years with everyone else’s. I wonder if I'm on the right track because it’s different from all the people I am surrounded by. I've start going to my friends’ weddings and buying baby gifts for second birthdays and suddenly I realize I am at the exact age that seemed so far away just five years ago.
I’ve always liked including myself ( maybe because I do look young too ;)) in the 25 something category...growing up, but not quite grown up. You’re an adult, but still recognize that you’re part kid. I’ve enjoyed the navigating of adulthood and all of my new first time experiences, a new job, my first ‘grown-up’ paycheck, my first house & car.. growth!
But it seems like the older I’ve gotten, the more aware I’ve become of my short-lived stay in the ‘twenties’ and the pressure to fit the mold of all of the rest of the thirties.. I’ve started to think about how easy it is to become controlled by our age and the expectation of what your age signifies to everyone else, who cares about me. They have an expectation.. almost a timetable of how old I should be by the time I graduate, buy a first house, get married, have kids... start my retirement. Suddenly it seems like there are all these benchmarks to meet, even when they don’t match the goals you are trying to reach..
My grandma once said; because as easy it is to forget, you’re free to do what you want with your life. The problem is, that can be quite the responsibility, to live your life the way you want to, rather than they way you are expected to especially if that means taking a big jump and especially when that jump may feel like a free fall! Maybe it means - quit your job and go back to school, get married or don’t.. end a relationship that no longer serves you, move away or move back home... become a different person... whatever it may be it is now the time to say goodbye to all of the things that have kept me stagnant and keep moving forward.. In the journey, one thing I always tell myself is to slow down and breathe in.
Contralateral?
As an enthusiast of unraveling the mysteries of the brain, I know one thing for sure, we cannot annul the past.The brain activates itself based on the information which is impregnated in the neurons spanning our neural network. The past experiences are stored in the "damn memory" with the aid of the incorrigible neurons.The input to this infallible process comes to the brain from the all saddistic senses.
A whole network of guerillic neurons are activated by the electrical signals to recognize an event, person, object or feeling. That is why when we come across a partial set of stimuli which we experienced in the past, we get to have the "pleasure" of reminding the past to ourselves. There are stimuli which are almost certainly not to happen in the rest of our life. May be, we could be salvaged from such deja-vu's in the future.
Then, there is also the other kind, those which created the most remarkable impact in your life.The distinguishing part is that, it might have been a part of everything which might have been inseparable from you.We could always get the laudable aid of the imperishable artifacts, music, stereophonic names, blended events, dodgy calendar, polyphonic tunes and what not. Even if we can manage to find some courage to annihilate them we cannot evacuate the damn data in the neurons.We can pretend the absence of the omnipotent stimuli around us.We are caught up in the prison of the past. It can be apparently denied but not defied.
2014
Nonpareil!
"Energy is an eternal delight, and he who desires, but acts not, breeds pestilence. " William Blake
As I was watching Neeya Nana - a Tamil talk show on Star Vijay TV. I could not help but relate that to the Matrix - which I have watched more than 10 times (literally)!!
Getting back to Neeya Nana - this weeks topic was - why do we (current generation of Indians) break up ( from a relationship)? It was a very insightful and interesting topic to understand the mindset of young adults in India for me. As I was watching it, I pondered about our idea of our thoughts and our sense of who we are. And I just can't not think of what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from - it’s where you take them to.” In the first few scenes of Matrix, Morpheus describes the "real" world as "the desert of the real". By this, he means that there is nothing real about the real world at all, that everything is a copy of a copy with no original, no ultimate underlying reality. There is no intrinsic meaning outside of what we give it, that the world is essentially meaningless and machine-like, chugging along mindlessly in its own self-perpetuating elaborations. No choice, just action and reaction. This is, as I understand it, pretty much straight-up Postmodernism.
A simple understanding how the geology of the planet is continuously recycling itself will revel. There is no such thing as an "original" continent. The entire crust has been thrust up and dragged back down into the earth's interior more times than anyone can count. It's like a boiling stew. Every rock, every bit of sand, every molecule of water has been broken apart and reassembled countless times. There is literally nothing new, nor, for that matter, original. Hence, the idea that Life has an Ultimate Meaning does not hold . This has meaning relative to that, and this has purpose in the context of that, but this and that together have no external reference......no context in which to take measure. Life at once cannot be contained in meaning. This is not the same as saying life is meaningless, because to say "meaningless" is to assign negative meaning. It is more accurate to say that it is inherently free of either meaning, or absence of meaning.
Wachowski Brothers (the creators of The Matrix Trilogy) are telling us that we exist in a swirl that has neither beginning nor end. It operates on many different levels, but its inherent limitations are the same regardless of which level you take it on. What we call "the world" is nothing more than a machine. It has rules, but no purpose. It isn't "going anywhere". It just is, and it is perfectly happy to be what it is. But we on the other hand fail to realize it, letting emotions clog our understanding of reality. It seems; this is the ultimate cosmic purpose, no matter how gloriously conceived, is a nightmare scenario where everything is bound, subordinated, and ultimately reduced to that purpose alone. It is the absolutizing of relative and contingent purpose, the fraction consuming the whole.
Poetically speaking, all I can see is endless free-play. This free-play has pattern and rhythm that in human experience has a basic feeling tone of ever-rising, or Joy. There is superabundance. As William Blake said "Energy is eternal delight". There is within given relationships, such as "me and my world", deeply valued meanings, but if these meanings becomes absolutized and fixed, the unconditioned joy giving rise to the whole picture goes into eclipse. The world in eclipse is an endless reaching for lost Joy, one compensation after another.
It's the "under the sun" part of the "nothing new" clause that becomes all important at this point. You'll recall that Neo's name in the Matrix is Thomas Anderson. The name Anderson comes from the Greek andros, or man. This makes Neo the "Son of Man" - it is the search in us that constitutes our true identity. And when we identify with it, we see the world as it is, and that truth gives us the freedom to make our own choices, instead of being slaves to the Law of Cause and Effect. The truth sets us free. It delivers us from the Wheel of Karma, from samsara. Instead of "through a glass darkly", we now see the world face to face. "When the doors of perception are cleansed, we shall see the world as it is...infinite." - William Blake
It's all 3!!!
Thinking over the course of the past year, I have grown and learned a bit more in my 30s...yea I don't fret when sharing my age - most bouncers still tend to ID me at the entrance!
I am thirty-three years old.. man what happened to being 20? There is something almost comical in birthdays, because you know that time is passing- every day is another number, and after 28 or 30 or 31 days its another month, another season.. and before you know it an entire 365 days has passed you by. The funny part is that we continue to both loathe and love that day, each year its exciting because the number of years that your on earth changes and yet its just like any other day. Yet, there is something magically wonderful about your birthday day. I don't know if its just me but I couldn't help but be happy and giggly and cheery today.
This year, I got my first birthday wishes from my 4 and a half year old nephew that went something like "Haappy Birthday Jegan Mama" ... are you going to buy me a big spider man? :))) I loved how he wanted me to get him a big Spider Man on my birthday.. so cute, so innocent. I LOVE THEM!!
It is only 8 a.m and I already got wishes from people I would have never expected!! .. Id say its turning out to be a wonderful birthday.
I hope anyone else who shares my December 16th birthday is having as awesome a birthday- day as I am..
Thanks to my mother for bearing the strength to bear me for 9 months and give me life 32 years ago.. I am here to enjoy this day! LOVE YOU AMMA & APPA too :)
Thank YOU all for continuing to visit, comment, and chat with me across social media.
Things I Do / Don't Know..
Change - Evolution - Perspective - Underneath it all my core remains the same:we go through what we go through sometimes...
I don't know all you are feeling right at this moment..
I don't know exactly the right words to tell you..
All I do know is...
I'm not always the easiest person in the world to get along with, deal with...
There are times when I'm moody, and no matter what you do or say, I'll find fault...
I know that, at times, I push you to the point where you feel that you just can't win and you wonder what you could possibly be doing wrong...
Well; I've got news; it's not you, it's me.
I just can't understand what someone as wonderful as you could see in me, and I get scared.
I'm afraid you'll suddenly see all my flaws and fall out of love with me. I know it's no excuse, but those times when I'm the most difficult are definitely the times I'm loving you the most...
I know I can't bear the thought of life without you, so I am trying and and trying and I do love you more than anything else in this world.
Re-discover!
Now, these songs reminds and speaks to me about one common factor...Take a listen yourself, I am sure these will definitely help you rediscover your lost passion for these wonderful songs and make you want to listen to them all over again.
""Rooh Ne Chhoo li Jism Ki Khushboo...Tu Jo Paas Aayi..""
""I keep looking for something new, Will you pick me up? Can you pull me through? A melody, A little piece of where I come from..""
""Kaasa Noigarigalum Kanurangum Vaelayila..Aasa Noi Vanthu Maga Ara Nimisam Thoongalayae""
Still Smart and Sexy!!!
Wow - seriously? Where did the time go? I am so embarrassed that I have neglected my blog so much! No worries! Today I have some for you - Today I'm turning 32 it added one more year of experience to my life =)
I was just recalling the things changed in past one year and I learned few valuable things which will help me forever! I can really sense the changes as I'm growing .. changes around me, in me, my mindset, my outlook, everything changing =)
So, I really am 32!!!! It's true. Let's talk about that for a second.
What is so wrong with getting older? What is so wrong with aging with grace? Why do we fight SO HARD against gaining a number? I've been guilty of that. I think I was just whining a few weeks ago about not wanting to turn 32. But, why?
I've been thinking a lot about this lately. For myself, I know the answer. Somewhere in my head, I've decided that 32 means you are officially matured a grown up. Not that I'm against being an adult, but I've been scared of personal expectations that I've put on myself... which is silly. I love where I am in life. I love my family, I love my friends, I love my pooches, I love my job, I love my blog, I love so many things about my life, why in the world would I want to make myself feel bad about the handful of things I have not yet accomplished? So silly.
I will never stop at 31. I will never lie about my number. I will wear it proudly, embrace who I am, and be the best young guy I can be.
My plan for the day: I want to be free of thoughts and tensions on just this one day.! Nothing on my mind...absolutely nothing.
Reunion in Death!
Happy Birthday Jathu!! & Mama!!
Jathu! Life unfolds a day at a time, we move along one step at a time. Let the best be revealed as you progress. May your dreams come true! As I sit to type this out; I fondly remember all the things we've done Growing up together having so much fun. The times when you teased me and made me so mad, which isn't hard ;) The times when you held me because I was sad, which is rare ;) You're always there for me in moments of stress There's no doubt about it. Thank you my dear, You truly are the best! wish Happy Birthday Brother!
Happy Birthday Kiran!
Spring has come; Bees are buzzing; Flowers are blooming; Here I am wishing you a very Happy Birthday!
Time and again...
As in the past I always come back to it; I’m weird with relationships. I think I know what I want, and then I run. I think I run because I’m scared. I’m scared that I might get hurt. Or maybe I just haven’t found someone who I know is worth being hurt for. I am not scared of the dark. I am scared of what’s in it. I am not afraid of heights, I am afraid of the pain of falling. I am not afraid of people around me, I am just afraid of rejection. I am not afraid to love, I am just afraid of not being loved back, and I am not afraid to try again, I am just afraid of getting hurt for the same reason.

I have been reading some very interesting books lately and the one that comes to my mind now is Love Is Letting Go of Fear by Gerald G. Jampolsky; Imagine there is a bank account that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening, the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course? Each of us has such a bank. Its name is time. Every morning, it credits you with 86.400 seconds. Every night, it writes off as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to a good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day, it opens a new account for you. Each night, it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day’s deposits, the loss is yours. There is no drawing against “tomorrow.” You must live in the present on today’s deposits. Invest it so as to get it from the utmost health, happiness, and success. The clock is running. Make the most of today. I do not believe in Destiny/Fate as matter of fact I will go on to say that destiny is for losers. It’s a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen.
Just remember this; It starts with a dream. Add faith, and it becomes belief. Add action, and it becomes a part of life. Add perseverance, and it becomes a goal in sight. Add patience and time, and it ends with a dream come true. So go on and start your dream today as I have been dreaming...
Happy Birthday Sis!

It's My Day!!

Is it today or tomorrow that I turn 31 years old? In any case not really a milestone marker, but I am pretty danged proud of myself for making it this far! And since it's my birthday, my gift to you, the outside world that is still plugged into the grid, is to let you see that I still haven't managed free myself from the matrix.
I was born on the 16th of December, in Jaffna, Sri Lanka. Today is the 15th of December in Washington DC, USA. At the same time it is already the 16th of December in Sri Lanka. Hence seeing I was born in Sri Lanka would I not have already lived my 30 years?
Of course this is important as it means I get to open my presents today. I am told I am have some cool things awaiting me (looks like I will never free myself from the matrix)! I tried to die on the past Wednesday. Not really on purpose. I went and played with my dogs in the park that late afternoon after returning from work. While I suffered no contact induced injuries, I seem to have forgotten in my senile old age to stretch ahead of time, and to maybe take it a bit easier than I did when I was 16. I ended up with a knot in my thigh, and strained something in my lower calf (all in my right leg), resulting in me limping thru the entirety of that night, and only today feeling 100% again. I was sure they were going to have to haul me off and put me down, like a horse with a broken leg. I also destroyed my very expensive $5 walmart special shoes. Not entirely, but when I took the shoes off I had some light greenish foamy powder residue all over my socks, all over my feet underneath the socks, and even more inside the shoes themselves. I don't know what it was, but something inside disintegrated into a fine powder. I'm sure if my mom was here she will blame my nasty feet and their odor for killing the shoes...she may be right, I really don't know.
Anyways, the birthday celebration is set for this upcoming Saturday night in NY. If you can't make it, you may send cash in the amount of $500 in your stead. I'll be sure to make sure the money feels right at home with me.Not much else to say at this point...so I'll shove off and go get my breakfast...
























