Cultivating God

I am sure I caught your attention with the title of this post. But before we go into the subject, I would like to simply put in words the reasons for this post. In recent times, I have been keenly determined to find the reason for my existence in this world. I am not declaring my thirst to be a yogi (Sanskrit term for a male practitioner, who has renounced the world and leads an ascetic life) as I still can’t let go of my desires. But Just! I believe desire is the cause of every existence. Thus, indicating that the reason for my existence is also a cause. So, in my case my parents desire (the cause) to have a child (the effect) brought me to the world. This suggests that every cause has an effect and every effect is the cause of something else. But now I need to know what that something else is. As it (something else) was the cause of the effect that leads me to my question. Did I confuse you already?? If you are still with me read on:

I believe in order to solve a problem; one must first, find the source of the problem. Then it can be easily solved for good. So, to solve my question, I have to find the source. So far I have learned that everything exists in this world because of a cause. Every cause has an effect and every effect is the cause of something else. My parents’ cause (desire) and effect (I). But what caused my parents desire? At this point I would like to quote the author of “The Science of Getting Rich”, Wallace Wattles; “All desire is either possibility seeking expression or function seeking performance."

Naturally my next question is what is the cause of possibility and function or function seeking performance? As a result of my continued search for cause, I choose to believe that there is an ultimate intelligence from which all possibility, function, desire, and intention arise, and it is from this intention that all things in the universe manifest. You might call this Hunab Ku, Jesus, Tao, Brahma, or Allah... You might call this the unified atom of energy and matter. It doesn't matter what you call it, or if you call it at all....

Et Viola! I (believe) have found the source of my problem! God. So all I have to do now is ask God; Why was I created? But, who is God? Where is God? The search continues... We humans have a very strong system which teaches us to find a remedy for any issue with an alternate and care less to find out why it even aroused. Al though it is not entirely wrong and eliminates the issue temporally, it is never a permanent fix. Have you ever wondered why we go thru a cycle of happiness and sadness? And not one where there is only happiness or sadness? Well, I think it is because we don’t solve a problem by getting to the core. If God, an ultimate power, one can’t see, hear, taste or smell is the core cause then there would never be a problem again, right? I am not suggesting there is no God, as I said earlier there is an ultimate force. So, what is it that I am doing wrong?

I had a mislead idea of God. If only I had realized earlier, that the ultimate force creating the cause and the effect in and around me is nothing but me, I would have found the solution much earlier. So, why do I claim I am my God? It is because; all my happiness and sadness are a direct effect of my cause in this world. I am given the opportunity to explore, learn, seek, create and experience the many wonders in life. How I choose to spend my days is ultimately up to myself; my choices. The power of mind or emotions is far above the physical power. The finite alone can readily be comprehended, by the sense-organs, the mind and the intellect of man, at his present “state” of consciousness. Take love for example; I crave a lover who can slip inside my mind; ideally, someone who has not only heard of my every trauma and triumph from birth, but also experienced them with me. I want to unburden myself with an admirer who knows my darkest/deepest secrets, yet delights in me with unswerving devotion. In reality there can’t be anyone but me! I would like to quote a saying I have heard my grand mother say; “You may search the universe for someone more worthy of your love and affection than you are to yourself but such a person does not exist.” And I would bet my life for this would be the same with you.

Until my beliefs, thoughts, and intentions were in alignment with the natural laws and the principles of this world I continued to be behind the dust of ignorance. I am what I think I am. All that I am arises with my thoughts. With my thoughts, I make my world. I live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality. I am that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all. This is I, Jegathpriyan!

Ok, so now to the title subject; Cultivating God essentially means cultivating me. Why? Because, I still don’t have an answer to my question. Now, let’s take a look at what I mean by cultivating me:
It is the process I am in now, to know, I am the cause of my fear, stress, anger, jealousy, sexual tension or frustration, how to control my mind and emotions and how to direct all my life into a truly loving direction. To love is to will good to another for your sake. By doing so I am giving unconditional love to everyone as I understand and acknowledge that it is for my own sake.

Now, you may ask; what does giving unconditional love to everyone for my own sake do in return to the society? Well, others don’t know the motive of my love but just the fact that I am sharing my love, my unconditional love to them and feels pushed to share a similar habit. In case you have not noticed, we humans are for the most part blind followers of something. Some of which are religion, culture, media or your neighbor next door. It has been stripping away our individuality! Our individuality which tells us only one thing to follow in life, ourselves! The choices we make in our lives. Therefore I need to start from the cause of my choices, what makes a choice?

At this juncture, as an example, I would like to reprise an account of my life. I do not need to tell you that in life, change is constant. Things are always dissolving, diluting, dying. Thus one can either race against time in an effort to accomplish as much as possible "squeeze it all in" which can be fun and exhilarating but ultimately can wear you out. Or ride life’s ever-charging flow by learning to relax, surrender, and let go, you realize that stillness is a magnet for contentment. What ever that you choose when it comes to friendship, I think that by not telling your friend how you really feel, you are doing a great disservice to yourself and your friendship. Well, I was once befriended by an individual who wanted to be a friend of everyone. Al though to be friends with everyone is good, one also has to be well aware of the fact that "labeling" is what everyone does. If you want to be a friend of everyone...you will end up being a friend of no one. .If you’re sacrificing yourself for friendships which would never exist if you hadn’t changed your personality, are these friendships worth having? Personally I am not willing to sacrifice myself in the name of extending my circle of friends. I’ve come to realize that perhaps there are people who’ll never see eye-to-eye, who’ll never be able to be your true friends. I understand this to be an unending debate. For friendship is; compromise as much as self-worth is individuality. The important point here is “compromise as much as self-worth is individuality” well, this past friend of mine failed to realize that. Thus causing erupts between us and others.

As I said earlier, my mislead life made me make a choice to leave him and not be the friend he needed to realize what he was doing wrong. Thus, a port of connection between me and my surrounding was lost. If I had only shared love with him and helped him see the person in him, his own self, we would have still be friends and making a good change in the environment we live in a more efficient manner. The problem I had was I was looking for happiness in a person; not to say that is unhealthy but the problem was I expected someone else to make me happy. By doing so I set my self up to be hurt because of my expectations! As our natural state of mind is generally self-centered, we tend to seek love that is visionary. By saying that I mean often times one wants to be welcomed when coming in and wants to be received. Physical (self) love.

But again, selfishness is exactly the problem that we have as people. One of the problems that we have when somebody brings correction to us, we tend to imagine that correction as so out of the ordinary, so unusual, so above and beyond what’s appropriate. And it’s very difficult often for us to receive correction because we tend to camp out in a sense that, “Hey, I’m doing pretty well and I’m trying hard.” And of course we really underline the phrase, “I’m trying hard.” So when some criticism comes against us, there’s an offense because we say, “Well you don’t see how hard I’m trying and you’re just making this cut and dry statement criticizing me and...” So we tend to operate out of selfishness and selfishness means self-interest. To doubt is human, and all of us at some time or the other have experienced irrational doubts. But instead of succumbing to your doubts, learn from them by resolving. I did not obviously learn to resolve a problem like I would do now till recently. So, a friend was lost.

To cultivate-self is like when I build a house for me and my family. The porches or verandas are all without, and are secondary. The building is really constructed for the conveniences within, because I am the primary (GOD). Never the less the building is as important as me for our existence so I need to realize the magnitude of my well being for the building and I to stand together! Pause: When God (self, I) interacts with my prayers draws me into deeper trust, dependence, and obedience; I get introduced to sin that I need to confront. I recognize patterns of behavior I need to break. I gain insights into which I am that I didn't have before. I discover a depth of relationship with God that I've never before experienced. But it is never enough!!!!