Understanding me

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Not always, but at many times - my version of screaming is writing, at least for the last eleven and half years, but in recent times, the words were stuck inside me. I had to force them out. “I like the feeling of words doing as they want to do,” wrote Gertrude Stein, who died more than 40 years before Prozac hit the market. Same here. And with each step forward, my words flow more easily, brain to fingers to screen...

I can't wait to get the opportunity again to start writing, sharing..

after all writing and sharing is INDEED my muse!

Understanding me

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Saturday, July 18, 2015

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Tag : Adore, I  Perspective, I  Perspective, Memories

Lamhe

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Dhoop aaye to chhaanv tum laana
Khwaahishon ki barishon mein
Bheeg sang jaana

Jiya jaaye na, jaaye na, jaaye na
O re piya re

Jo miley usmein kaat lenge hum
Thodi khushiyaan, thode aansoo
Baant lenge hum

Jiya jaaye na, jaaye na, jaaye na
O re piya re.. piya re.. 

Lamhe

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Saturday, April 25, 2015

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Tag : Adore, I  Perspective, musically, poem

Its 2015!

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2015 starts
with warm new years wishes
thanks for your support
a basket full of happiness
from the bottom of my heart!!!

Its 2015!

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Wednesday, December 31, 2014

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Tag : Adore, I  Perspective, Wishes

STOP

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Ten years ago I began my blog. With hope to write at least one post a day, thinking daily inspiration would be around the corner. But as per usual, side tracking occurred. I was inspired and blog ready for the first six years, then after some life set backs, I began to slack. The inspiration wasn’t constantly present; I wasn’t remembering to go online and blog daily. It happened, change. So what?

Just as much as we don’t want things to change, they do. As much as we don’t like tough times, they happen, they are necessary. Things will shake us up, change us, steer us on some new, unknown path. It will happen, so just let it happen. We can fight change, be depressed, and suppress it. And for what? The more we push, the harder we will get hit.

People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing, that's why I recommend it daily.

I’ve come to realize, just because I wasn’t inspired and didn’t blog every day like I had intended, “A quote every single day…or at least every week...” doesn’t mean I’ve failed. It doesn't mean I suck and should give it. No. It is what it is. Inspiration will come and go. We just need to stay motivated. I can pick up, exactly where I left off. Feel what I'm meant to feel, each day as they come.

My feelings will continue..

STOP

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Saturday, December 27, 2014

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Tag : Adore, I  Perspective, I  Perspective, Memories, Perspective

Halloween ;)

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So, this years Halloween was themed 60s - Over The Rainbow where you'd come dressed in colorful outfits. As the previous years company was generous enough to subsidize us 30bucks each to get our costumes. I tagged along during office hours with the costume hunting party to the Halloween City store in Annapolis. It seems every year the costume prices seems to be doubling!!! I was not going to spend more than what was given to me ;) LOL

Anyway, in the end I picked up an orange jumpsuit in hopes of dressing up as an inmate. It was the cheapest I could find to fit my thirty dollar budget lol But I did customize it with a number tag I made and then sew it onto the jumpsuit and a ball & chain(which broke within half an hour of my wearing it). The party itself was pretty darn amazing.. the DJ was spinning every amazing track you could think (including Michael Jackson's Thriller). The dancing never stopped. I had a blast! but I did end up leaving earlier as I had to attend some other commitments.

Photos to be updated soon :)

Halloween ;)

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Friday, October 31, 2014

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Tag : Culture, I  Perspective, Memories

Quote of the day!

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"It does not matter if you are a rose or a lotus or a marigold. What matters is that you are flowering" - Osho

Quote of the day!

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Wednesday, October 29, 2014

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Tag : Adore, Culture, I  Perspective, Quotes

Diwali Twenty Forteen!

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Wishing You And Your Family,
Health, Success And A Journey
Towards The Never Ending Light.
May This Festival
Full Your Mind With Peace.
Happy Diwali.

Diwali Twenty Forteen!

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Thursday, October 23, 2014

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Tag : Adore, I  Perspective, poem, Religion, Wishes

Annapolis Bancorp!

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My reunion with Annapolis Bancorp folks: an unexpected and delightful evening at Union Jacks! 

 The reunion, “I think it is a wonderful indication of the spirit that helped made this company great,” Patsy said. “The image lives on in these people.”

 I cannot believe it has been almost three years since BA was taken over by FNB!! Some folks are missed very much :( 

But nevertheless it was awesome to catch up with some of my best-est work buddies :)

Annapolis Bancorp!

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Wednesday, October 8, 2014

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Tag : Adore, I  Perspective, I  Perspective, Memories, Work

A Decade!

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I have been blogging for a decade. I wrote and wrote and I guess I am still writing. I shared my opinions, I linked to songs, books and movies I liked and more importantly, I used the blog to reflect myself to me. IMO, blogging is a spiritual practice that teaches me about faith and resilience.

At this juncture I like to say; the seeds have been planted and the dream has taken root. Now all I have to do is the daily discipline of silencing the enemy within :)

A Decade!

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Saturday, September 6, 2014

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Tag : Adore, Blogger, I, I  Perspective, I Write, Memories

Believe

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I am very positive person. I always try and look for the best in everything, but sometimes it’s easy to get bogged down in negativity. If you’re working towards something it’s hard to not let the doubt creep in. You can find you end up asking yourself ‘Is this the right thing to do?‘, ‘What if I do all this hard work and I don’t get the desired outcome?‘, ‘What if all this is in vain?‘. But I figure if you’re working hard for something then it’s got to be something you really, really want, so keep on focusing on the joy if and when it does all come out your way.

When I was thirteen, I couldn’t wait to be eighteen. I thought I'd know it all by then - have all the answers and that prized freedom. When I was twenty one, I planned to be married by age twenty-five with two kids. I'll always smile to myself when I think about how time changes things. And when I turned thirty I made a list of as many goals as I had in years hoping by my 33rd birthday, I'd accomplished them all.

Then a funny thing happens about the time I turned thirty three people start asking about marriage and kids and houses. And I' had begun to worry about savings, retirement, and health insurance. I'd start spending my money with more conscience.. short term sacrifices for long term gains, right?

Then comes a point where I sometimes start to compare my 32 years with everyone else’s. I wonder if I'm on the right track because it’s different from all the people I am surrounded by. I've start going to my friends’ weddings and buying baby gifts for second birthdays and suddenly I realize I am at the exact age that seemed so far away just five years ago.

I’ve always liked including myself ( maybe because I do look young too ;)) in the 25 something category...growing up, but not quite grown up. You’re an adult, but still recognize that you’re part kid. I’ve enjoyed the navigating of adulthood and all of my new first time experiences, a new job, my first ‘grown-up’ paycheck, my first house & car.. growth!

But it seems like the older I’ve gotten, the more aware I’ve become of my short-lived stay in the ‘twenties’ and the pressure to fit the mold of all of the rest of the thirties.. I’ve started to think about how easy it is to become controlled by our age and the expectation of what your age signifies to everyone else, who cares about me. They have an expectation.. almost a timetable of how old I should be by the time I graduate, buy a first house, get married, have kids... start my retirement. Suddenly it seems like there are all these benchmarks to meet, even when they don’t match the goals you are trying to reach..

 My grandma once said; because as easy it is to forget, you’re free to do what you want with your life. The problem is, that can be quite the responsibility, to live your life the way you want to, rather than they way you are expected to especially if that means taking a big jump and especially when that jump may feel like a free fall! Maybe it means - quit your job and go back to school, get married or don’t.. end a relationship that no longer serves you, move away or move back home... become a different person... whatever it may be it is now the time to say goodbye to all of the things that have kept me stagnant and keep moving forward.. In the journey, one thing I always tell myself is to slow down and breathe in.

Believe

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Saturday, August 30, 2014

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Tag : Adore, Culture, I  Perspective, I  Perspective, Memories, Perspective

Aadat si hai mujh..

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Tumne hi toh kaha tha na Reetu, buri aadat ko chodne ke liye ek acchi aadat ki zaroorat hai... Tum thi meri acchi aadat!

I'll Be Waiting (Kabhi Jo Baadal) - Cover by Arjun 

You're beautiful

You criminal

Girl you took everything from me

Can't let you go

Like a general

I'm going into battle cause...

You stole the breath from my lungs

Cut my veins, bleeding love

Oh I still remember that scene..

Cuz I can see the tears running down your cheek

I can feel your body so close to me

I can hear the rain dropping at your feet

Cuz your love was gone

(Koi nahi.. Mita de sabhi..)

24x7, I will be waiting

Out in the rain till somebody saves me

Don't care if it takes forever to make you believe

Kabhi jo baadal barse

Main dekhoon tujhe aankhein bharke

Tu lage mujhe pehli baarish ki duaa

It's like a gun shot went straight through me

Stopped my heart from beating

No - won't let you get away

Cuz I can see the tears running down your cheek

I can feel your body so close to me

I can hear the rain dropping at your feet

Cuz your love was gone

Kabhi jo baadal barse

Main dekhoon tujhe aankhein bharke

Tu lage mujhe pehli baarish ki duaa

Tere pahloo mein reh loon

Main khudko paagal keh loon

Tu gham de ya khushiyaan

Seh loon saathiya

You're killin me

You're bad for me

So why do I feel such ecstasy?

Do you believe

In you and me

How do I stop this jealousy?

I'll never stop fighting till you're with me

I built a castle and you're my queen

Just give me a chance to make you believe it again

24x7 I'll be waiting 

Out in the rain till somebody saves me

Don't care if it takes forever to make you believe

Cause you've got to believe it...

Kabhi jo baadal barse

Main dekhoon tujhe aankhein bharke

Tu lage mujhe pehli baarish ki duaa

Tere pahloo mein reh loon

Main khudko paagal keh loon

Tu gham de ya khushiyaan

Seh loon saathiya..

It's like a gun shot went straight through me

Stopped my heart from beating

No - won't let you get away..

Aadat si hai mujh..

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Saturday, July 12, 2014

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Tag : Adore, Digital Impression, I  Perspective, I  Perspective, I Write, Private, Songs

Frames and shades - Google Glass!

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So, I thought I’d share my experience using Google Glass(GG) for the past 5 weeks. I got it on the 2nd of March. It’s been incredibly fun and exciting for me. I’m not so much giving a deep philosophical opinion on the meaning or viability of the technology in this review, but rather a quick summary of what it currently does and doesn’t do, as a reference for folks who are curious or thinking about joining the beta-test program themselves..

As many would already know, GG is a smartphone you wear on your face like glasses. Usually it’s turned off and you see nothing; sometimes it’s awake and you see a ‘heads up display’ floating above your field of view. It’s a full Android device, with a deliberately locked-down and restricted user interface. It has wi-fi, but no cellular connection or GPS ability. When you’re out and about, you have to tether to your phone for data and GPS.


I’ve worn it out in public quite a bit - 95% of the time the response has been popular. People are curious and want demonstrations. In particular, adults are typically wondering what the heck they are, while teenagers ALL seem to know what it is (“OMG, is that Google Glass?!?”). People sometimes quietly point at it from a distance.So it is pretty cool :))

More about it soon!!

Frames and shades - Google Glass!

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Friday, April 11, 2014

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Tag : Adore, Gadgets, I, I  Perspective, Perspective, Review

Contralateral?

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Only to a certain extent are we prisoners of the past. The present sets us free. We can shape it to our liking, and we had better start thinking about how we would like it. "Past is Past ,we should look ahead into the future" - you may have heard the echoes of these kind of para-phrases many number of times in the past and you will find it rheoteric in the imminent future as well.

As an enthusiast of unraveling the mysteries of the brain, I know one thing for sure, we cannot annul the past.The brain activates itself based on the information which is impregnated in the neurons spanning our neural network. The past experiences are stored in the "damn memory" with the aid of the incorrigible neurons.The input to this infallible process comes to the brain from the all saddistic senses.

A whole network of guerillic neurons are activated by the electrical signals to recognize an event, person, object or feeling. That is why when we come across a partial set of stimuli which we experienced in the past, we get to have the "pleasure" of reminding the past to ourselves. There are stimuli which are almost certainly not to happen in the rest of our life. May be, we could be salvaged from such deja-vu's in the future.

Then, there is also the other kind, those which created the most remarkable impact in your life.The distinguishing part is that, it might have been a part of everything which might have been inseparable from you.We could always get the laudable aid of the imperishable artifacts, music, stereophonic names, blended events, dodgy calendar, polyphonic tunes and what not. Even if we can manage to find some courage to annihilate them we cannot evacuate the damn data in the neurons.We can pretend the absence of the omnipotent stimuli around us.We are caught up in the prison of the past. It can be apparently denied but not defied.

Contralateral?

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Monday, March 24, 2014

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Tag : Culture, I  Perspective, I  Perspective, Memories, Perspective, Private

At Ease

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We all have to learn different lessons in life. IMO - everyone come into our life for a reason. At the same time, each person has to come to their own realizations on their own time. This is also known as karma. However you view it, when we adopt a broader view, we're able to get out of our limited thinking.

Reason - Somehow, the thinking/researching/sharing/learning process of the purpose of life or my existence is somehow like food to me. Like the favorite food that has the capacity to stimulate the appetite, prompt me to eat more of it, and motivate me to pursue it. Through the course of it, the excitement of having found something that answers my deepest questions is unbound. Naturally, like a person in love, I wanted to share this love with everyone, especially my friends/family and closed ones. Hence it disappointed and frustrated me when they did not share that excitement. It took years for me to see the bigger picture – they have decades of conditioning behind them which might be standing against the concepts of spirituality that are very commonplace for us now. Though it is very common in India to have grown up with terms like karma, past lives, etc., these are “conditions” taken for granted, rather than conditions that can be consciously influenced. This understanding still feels as strange to them(excluding my western friends) as having cornflakes for breakfast.

Problem - One good example that I can put forth here is My Parents and their Married Life. It(Marriage)is often a status quo. While our parents may have got along very well (irrespective of whether the marriage was arranged or out of love) in our childhoods, as they begin to get old, they begin to reminisce a lot. Whether it is because of menopause, or a constant sense of a past weighing them down all the time, or simply a physical condition translating into irritability, parents can get into fights where they might bring up old issues and buried emotions that had no room earlier. It can destroy our perception of them as being “ideal” parents having an ideal marriage even if we are exposed to our friends’ families falling apart. It can disillusion us and leave us confused. I know I went through (still do) hell in my mind struggling to choose the right from wrong of my parents doing.

Understanding - The mirroring theory is the most artistically at work here. I’ve often observed that if there is even a single thought wandering in my subconscious against my decision to break a paradigm, it will get projected in their thinking. Like it or not, parents exist in the same thought field as you and are more sensitive to picking up thoughts from this field, especially when one is defensive or in conflict about a decision. Clean up your thinking and they certainly respond. Secondly, the goal of acting on something we deeply care about and the goal of rebelling against authority can sometimes get mixed up and the consequences can be very messy. To ensure that what you feel like doing is only for your sake, and not for the sake of proving something to your parents takes absolute courage – because it demands your total honesty to yourself. Ages ago when I was not ready to realize the depth of it my grandma (mom's mom) had wisely pointed out that this is where guilt can be a precise pointer –when there is guilt, the act almost always is being carried out as a rebellion against something rather than rising from a heartfelt intent. Thirdly, acknowledging the conditioning that worrying = good parenting in the realm of unconscious parenting. The only way I’ve found that has worked around this is to casually bring up the discussion and being a willing and open listener, providing a safe space for them to voice those fears out for themselves.

Practice - Parents have often rushed through life – through their careers, babies, investments, taking care of our schooling, then college and marriage and now the train of doings seems to have halted abruptly. Often things may have gone unexpressed between them at various points in time due to various reasons. Now the emotions and memories seem to be catching up. When I learnt to relate this way, their disruptions and issues didn’t seem personal to
me (even if I happened to be the subject of those conversations). I stopped interfering and just watched. These are two people working out their soul’s journeys with each other. Why interfere?” I remember my grandma saying. When they ask me to take sides, I check within if I can give them an authentic, balanced viewpoint. If not, I just tell them frankly that I don’t know what to say and won't be the best to judge either. To put in your confusion along with a train of emotions for “working it out” is to add to the mess.

Continuation - Maybe it is always best to give everything its well deserved time. But always remember, in the path of consciousness, parents are our biggest mirrors. At one point life asks us to stop viewing them as just caretakers and changes our roles into caregivers. For some this happens very early. For some, the change happens and takes us by surprise. Either way, the final step is to grow out of the roles and start viewing them as two unique individuals you are born to, so as to work out our lessons together with them. It is indeed a defining moment when you learn to love and be there for them as if you’ve completely chosen it, rather than as a chore or running in a default mode. While becoming a parent undoubtedly has its rewarding moments (which I have only heard about second hand), transforming into a conscious person in their midst unabashedly has beautiful rewards. And this I can tell by first-hand experience. The grass is definitely green on this side.

At Ease

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Sunday, January 26, 2014

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Tag : Adore, Culture, Digital Impression, Family, I, I  Perspective, I  Perspective, Private

2014

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Yet again; The days has FLOWN and here we are in 2014!!! Before I forget - or get carried away let me say to thee - May the sunshine of happiness always shine above us. May the dove of peace rest and live in all our homes. May the dense forest of love surround us all year round. May us all have a lovely New Year. Best-est wishes from me to us :))

2014

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Thursday, January 2, 2014

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Tag : Adore, I  Perspective, Memories, Wishes

It's all 3!!!

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Wow, another year has raced away and I've learned that racing isn't just about paces or times - it's about enjoying the MOMENTS to celebrate the ACHIEVEMENT! and so here we are again.. another year older, another year wiser.. another year of trying to read, trying to write, trying to blog.. and another birthday.

Thinking over the course of the past year, I have grown and learned a bit more in my 30s...yea I don't fret when sharing my age - most  bouncers still tend to ID me at the entrance!

I am thirty-three years old.. man what happened to being 20? There is something almost comical in birthdays, because you know that time is passing- every day is another number, and after 28 or 30 or 31 days its another month, another season.. and before you know it an entire 365 days has passed you by. The funny part is that we continue to both loathe and love that day, each year its exciting because the number of years that your on earth changes and yet its just like any other day. Yet, there is something magically wonderful about your birthday day. I don't know if its just me but I couldn't help but be happy and giggly and cheery today.

This year, I got my first birthday wishes from my 4 and a half year old nephew that went something like "Haappy Birthday Jegan Mama" ... are you going to buy me a big spider man? :))) I loved how he wanted me to get him a big Spider Man on my birthday.. so cute, so innocent. I LOVE THEM!!

It  is only 8 a.m and I already got wishes from people I would have never expected!! .. Id say its turning out to be a wonderful birthday.

I hope anyone else who shares my December 16th birthday is having as awesome a birthday- day as I am..

Thanks to my mother for bearing the strength to bear me for 9 months and give me life 32 years ago.. I am here to enjoy this day! LOVE YOU AMMA & APPA too :)


Thank YOU all for continuing to visit, comment, and chat with me across social media. 

I *heart* you all!

It's all 3!!!

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Monday, December 16, 2013

With 1 comments:

Tag : Adore, Birthday, Family, I  Perspective, I  Perspective, Memories, Wishes

Journey home!

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My religious upbringing has had a great deal of influence on the spiritually inclined man I am today and I am very grateful for that. If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? If I don’t tell you my religion does it mean I don’t have one? Do I have to say the word “Rama” or “Jesus” or  "HaShem" or “Buddha” or “Allah” to mean the same thing? Isn’t language a man-made construct that artificially limits a meaning to make it more digestible? Does the word “love” fully encompass its infinite variations? If I don’t say the word “love” does it mean I don’t love you? If I can’t put it into words does it mean I don’t feel it? Does it make it less real?

I don’t need a religious text to tell me it feels right to be good to other people. I don’t need a person in a robe to tell me when I’ve done something wrong. I don’t need to choose sides when people kill each other because they use different words to describe the indescribable..

No one wants to make the wrong choice especially if it means burning in a fiery pit for eternity. If you still want to know which religion I am: I am a Hindu-by-choice. I like that term. If you think of the countless people born and raised in a given religion, many of them practice half-heartedly or not at all by the time they are adults. People who seek and embrace a spiritual path on their own tend to be very devout in their practice. When something is just given to you you tend to take it for granted, but when you earn it on your own with much effort it tends to be very precious to you. I am fully convinced that I was led to the dharma. It found me. The Universe willed it.

'And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.' -  Paulo Coelho

Journey home!

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Sunday, November 17, 2013

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Tag : Adore, Culture, I, I  Perspective, I  Perspective, Perspective, Religion, Vishwaroopam

Things I Do / Don't Know..

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Change - Evolution - Perspective - Underneath it all my core remains the same:

I don't know why bad things happen... I don't know why
we go through what we go through sometimes...
I don't know all you are feeling right at this moment..
I don't know exactly the right words to tell you..

All I do know is...

Believe it or not, I know that
I'm not always the easiest person in the world to get along with, deal with...
There are times when I'm moody, and no matter what you do or say, I'll find fault...
I know that, at times, I push you to the point where you feel that you just can't win and you wonder what you could possibly be doing wrong...
Well; I've got news; it's not you, it's me.
I just can't understand what someone as wonderful as you could see in me, and I get scared.
I'm afraid you'll suddenly see all my flaws and fall out of love with me. I know it's no excuse, but those times when I'm the most difficult are definitely the times I'm loving you the most...
I know I can't bear the thought of life without you, so I am trying and and trying and I do love you more than anything else in this world.

Things I Do / Don't Know..

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Thursday, August 8, 2013

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Tag : Adore, I, I  Perspective, I  Perspective, Memories, Perspective, poem, Share, Wishes

Love is Courtesy!

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I just don't understand why! So, do not ask me that yet.. but I think, this is mostly how many people approach a relationship. Consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation (based on physical and emotional attraction) that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic "just isn't there" anymore. You fall in love, and you can fall out of it too!!

Love is Courtesy!

An accumulation of motivations and emotions- goal-directed emotional state. In other words, love is a mind-set that causes the experience of other more fundamental emotions like euphoria. This makes sense from an evolutionary perspective; romantic love directs us towards the goal of obtaining a partner for reproductive purposes, and finding one’s partner is rewarded by feelings of extreme emotional pleasure.

Having said that, next time you are smooching your lover, choose you words carefully. Whispering how intense a goal-directed emotional state they set-off in you isn’t particularly romantic ;)!

We live our lives both as biologically animal and as culturally situated individuals. Our emotions might therefore have a biological basis, even if they are expressed in a culturally understandable way. We see it as a social construct. How we perceive other people and evaluate our feelings for them come greatly from outside influences such as watching how our parents love each other, how our friends love their significant others, etc.

“The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious—the fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true science.”   Albert Einstein

Love is Courtesy!

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Thursday, May 30, 2013

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Tag : Adore, Culture, Digital Impression, I, I  Perspective, Perspective, Wishes

A hope?

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Fulfillment is difficult to attain if not impossible, but living the moment is. This heart of mine restrained, bottled up, suppressed, choked back thinks of the heart of yours unleashed, crazy for, in love, attached; (does) our unrequited love yearns on...

A hope?

Posted by : Jegan

Date :Thursday, January 24, 2013

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Tag : I  Perspective, Memories, Perspective, Share