Believe

I am very positive person. I always try and look for the best in everything, but sometimes it’s easy to get bogged down in negativity. If you’re working towards something it’s hard to not let the doubt creep in. You can find you end up asking yourself ‘Is this the right thing to do?‘, ‘What if I do all this hard work and I don’t get the desired outcome?‘, ‘What if all this is in vain?‘. But I figure if you’re working hard for something then it’s got to be something you really, really want, so keep on focusing on the joy if and when it does all come out your way.

When I was thirteen, I couldn’t wait to be eighteen. I thought I'd know it all by then - have all the answers and that prized freedom. When I was twenty one, I planned to be married by age twenty-five with two kids. I'll always smile to myself when I think about how time changes things. And when I turned thirty I made a list of as many goals as I had in years hoping by my 33rd birthday, I'd accomplished them all.

Then a funny thing happens about the time I turned thirty three people start asking about marriage and kids and houses. And I' had begun to worry about savings, retirement, and health insurance. I'd start spending my money with more conscience.. short term sacrifices for long term gains, right?

Then comes a point where I sometimes start to compare my 32 years with everyone else’s. I wonder if I'm on the right track because it’s different from all the people I am surrounded by. I've start going to my friends’ weddings and buying baby gifts for second birthdays and suddenly I realize I am at the exact age that seemed so far away just five years ago.

I’ve always liked including myself ( maybe because I do look young too ;)) in the 25 something category...growing up, but not quite grown up. You’re an adult, but still recognize that you’re part kid. I’ve enjoyed the navigating of adulthood and all of my new first time experiences, a new job, my first ‘grown-up’ paycheck, my first house & car.. growth!

But it seems like the older I’ve gotten, the more aware I’ve become of my short-lived stay in the ‘twenties’ and the pressure to fit the mold of all of the rest of the thirties.. I’ve started to think about how easy it is to become controlled by our age and the expectation of what your age signifies to everyone else, who cares about me. They have an expectation.. almost a timetable of how old I should be by the time I graduate, buy a first house, get married, have kids... start my retirement. Suddenly it seems like there are all these benchmarks to meet, even when they don’t match the goals you are trying to reach..

 My grandma once said; because as easy it is to forget, you’re free to do what you want with your life. The problem is, that can be quite the responsibility, to live your life the way you want to, rather than they way you are expected to especially if that means taking a big jump and especially when that jump may feel like a free fall! Maybe it means - quit your job and go back to school, get married or don’t.. end a relationship that no longer serves you, move away or move back home... become a different person... whatever it may be it is now the time to say goodbye to all of the things that have kept me stagnant and keep moving forward.. In the journey, one thing I always tell myself is to slow down and breathe in.