Virtual Shadow

She said: "We’re all dying to be accepted as we are, so why not just put it out there from the very beginning?"

Bragging or outright lying is the natural inclination for most people when representing themselves. Yes, I know, I know I do that a lot myself but that is only to bring about a laughter. I usually exaggerate to the point where the receiver knows I am just making a joke out of it.

Anyway, last Friday morning, I had a meaningful conversation with my friend Neetu. She told me about her yoga teacher Arvind Singh who teaches about “radical integrity.” Radical integrity means discovering and accepting yourself, presenting yourself to the world as your really are rather than selectively sharing the charming details. In essence, it’s about getting comfortable with your angels and demons, and being transparent about all of them.

There are always places life challenges me where I have no talent. These places can be admitted or hidden. My way, to admit. Hence, I would like for you to say ‘Wow that’s tough, but I can handle it and maybe even support you here.’ In the absence of my openness, you will not be able to say that. So here I present to you, the naked ME! The 'ME" sans the drama.

Or I should say: "I was going to present to you, the naked ME! Me, sans the cliché."

But because words do not describe enough and I need the visual feedback I am going to hold, hold till the time is right, when you are ready. Because, it would mean presenting me with radically honest details that may be repellant. Then again, there is this other side of me wishing you would somehow find my virtual shadow.

This blog has been my virtual shadow of my daily routines and thoughts. In my first post in 2004, I wrote "I feel this is going to be very interesting being able to write anything and whatever comes to my mind... Get ready for the ride! " and it has truly been my souls shadow. I have shared my quarrels, love, temptations, anger, sadness, fear, anticipation, lust, admiration, trust, joy, disgust and many more emotions. Aren’t these admissions intimate, and isn’t intimacy earned through trust? Wouldn’t it destroy the mystery in getting to know me to put everything out here in a blog?

So, I am holding, holding for the right time and place, to be in front of you; explaining me in person. Yet, I wish you would comb through my blog for low and high moments in the past 6 years. Maybe you will be able to interpret my silent message.. maybe..

As Bob Dylan’s All I Really Want To Do goes;

I ain’t lookin’ to compete with you,
Beat or cheat or mistreat you,
Simplify you, classify you,
Deny, defy or crucify you.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.